nose blind

We live in a small garage apartment-type setup. Basically, one room with an attached bathroom. And something in that bathroom stinks. And no…not that sort of stink! There’s a countertop area along one wall, with a sink and a vanity area. As best we can tell, it’s coming from a wall under/behind that vanity area. I think something (a mouse maybe?) crawled in and died in that wall. Another plausible theory is that the previous occupant’s cat had a litter box in that space, and maybe didn’t always have the best aim. Anyway…yeah, it’s not pleasant!

I don’t always notice the stink. We have some remedial stuff strategically placed in the area – a box of baking soda, a charcoal filter thing, and a “Scentsy” wax warmer. All help to some degree or mask the odor to an extent. But more than that, I spend many of waking hours in the apartment, with the stink. Plainly said, I don’t notice it after a while. As the saying goes, I become nose blind.

Then my wife will come home, walk into the apartment, and declare she can still smell it. I feel almost defensive when she says that. I want to go do something to try and fix it. Or I question whether she’s just making it up. After all, I don’t smell it at all any more! Then I’ll walk into the bathroom, get my nose close to the wall, and bam! Suddenly I can smell it! In fact, it makes me nauseous!

Everyone can be nose blind. We walk around in the house of our own making – aka our lives, and we don’t notice the stuff that stinks. A relational hurt that has gone unmended. Some past abuse or abandonment that we tend to minimize or just can’t really deal with so we hide it, or hide from it. Grief. Loss. Tragedy.

This is where story work comes in. And not just doing the work of writing or speaking the story. But it’s the sharing of the story that begins to change things. What inevitably happens is that when we tell our story to someone else, their body will respond to us. It’s natural, and not something they have any control over. It is their embodied response to the stinky areas of our house that can bring up a new awareness in our body – which also brings about a new awareness in our minds, our feelings.

I want to correct something I already said. It’s not that everyone can be nose blind. In fact, everyone is nose blind. This is why, so desperately, we need others. People who’ve done some of their own story work, who know how to be compassionate – to themself and others. Though it often helps, these people don’t have to be trained professionals. We can all learn to hold each others’ stories with care. Sometimes, we’ve experienced such deep hurt that a trained therapist really, really helps – is necessary. To really remediate the stink of deep trauma, there might need to be some deeper demo and reconstruction. But oftentimes, it’s enough just having someone to talk with, who can listen and ask questions, and who isn’t the same kind of nose blind as us.

Oh…and if anyone knows a great way to get smells out of walls, without removing said walls, lemme know. K?