recalibrating

I started this blog as a place to express and even work through the inner landscape of my mind – especially around this unwanted addiction I discovered. Since that time, I’ve also been in weekly therapy sessions, in regular group recovery meetings, and I’ve been writing almost daily on my other blog. Some of my early posts on this blog were pretty raw and rough! I needed to get that stuff out, and I’m glad I could do that here. My hope has been more than just getting it out. I wanted other people who might be experiencing a similar story to see me wrestle with my own, with hopes that it would possibly provide, well, hope! I am experiencing real recovery, and I that is available for anyone who is willing to do the work.

My posts here have, for the most part, been written from a specific perspective – a first-person, inside my own mind, point of view. Along the way, I linked my first blog to this one, and then began to share more about my addiction struggles on that site as well.

I think there’s still more to be written here. But I’m struggling to write only from that singular POV. It’s time for a recalibration. Of course, all I can really share, with any honesty or integrity, is my own experience. As I’ve done recently, I can also share when I find writing from others that I really connect with. I’ve done a lot of reading as part of my recovery. There are some great authors and articles out there! For instance, I use the phrase “unwanted behaviors” because I read that in Dr. Jay Stringer’s book, Unwanted. I included a link to that book on my “wanted” resource page as well.

What I’m lacking, in my recovery journey, is a synthesis of the different things I’ve learned and how they’ve led me to deconstruct and rebuild the frame through which I navigate life. Moving forward, on this blog I will endeavor to share more about what I’ve learned – not that I’ve learned everything there is, or even everything I need, to experience full recovery. I am sober today, and I have been for many days now. But sobriety is not the same as recovery – it’s just one (important) component.

I sometimes wonder why I bother blogging at all. What good does it really do? This is the question I often find myself thinking. I think this is more of a critic / self preserving persona showing up within me. And I can appreciate and even validate the thought. But blogging has done and is doing me a lot of good. If nothing else, just getting things out of my mind and into complete sentences takes right-brain thinking, which I need to do more as I work to become more integrated – in my mind and body. So, I’ll keep on writing.