Today, I’m feeling low. This is not about sadness, though. It’s hypoarousal. I’m on the low end of my Window of Tolerance.

I’ve been experiencing some pain in my neck, shoulder and arm over the past few days. Nothing unmanageable, but a constant frustrating level of pain. Additionally, even though I slept for over eight hours last night, I still feel sleepy/tired. My heart rate is hovering around 60bpm. My body relaxed. My breathing slow. In a word, what I feel is “meh”. Historically, this is the frame of mind that would be quite problematic for me. It’s uncomfortable, and I haven’t always been so great about just sitting in discomfort.

I notice my mind looking for a way to be entertained. Seeking an escape. A sense of entitlement often comes with this meh feeling. This is when I used to start doom scrolling on social media, or I might’ve turned on the television to scroll shows instead.

I notice a desire to isolate. I think hiding in isolation was the way I felt most safe as a child, and it still shows up in me when I am feeling low. As an adult in recovery, I know this is not helpful. It exacerbates the meh feeling, leading me further towards a dissociative state.

I’m choosing different. For starters, I am writing about it and seeking connection rather than isolation. Additionally, I will be meeting with some other guys who are in recovery. And then, I also plan to reach out to a few guys and share 1-1.

After all, the opposite of addiction is connection.

Oh, and hey… as of today, 25% of the year is now behind us! That’s pretty incredible to consider. I’ve been sober for all of it! That, too, is worth sharing.